Looking Within

There’s a song I’ve been looking for, for at least, two years. I had no idea what it was called, or who sang it. All I knew was that I’d seen the video a lot on MTV but I just was always enjoying it too much to actually look at the details. All I knew was a snatch of the chorus.
I asked all my big music lover friends. Always just singing the little bit of the chorus that I knew, and hoping that someone would recognise what I was looking for.

But no one knew it.

I've picked up a lot of music from my friends in the last couple of months, and I hadn’t listened to a lot of it. So two days ago, trying to get my mind off some stuff which I don’t feel talking about right now, I decided to just listen to something different. So I put on these guys called Mattafix. I listened to a song called “Big City Life” from their album “Signs of a Struggle”. I liked it, so I decided to listen to the whole album. Track four comes on; and it’s the song I’ve been looking for!!! Right there, on my laptop. The last place I’d ever have thought to look. The song is called “To & Fro”. For two years I’ve been trying to find this song and where do I finally find it???

On my laptop.

It was so very ironic, that it got me thinking.
We go from place to place, from pillar to post. Looking for whatever it is we think is important. And a lot of the time, it’s right there staring us in the face. Or sitting right there in our laps. And we go “To and Fro”, thinking maybe we’ll find it here, or maybe we’ll find it there. And we hurt ourselves or get hurt by someone when we don’t find it. Or we find what bears a semblance to what we’re looking for, and we throw ourselves into getting it, only to find that it’s not what we were looking for in the first place.

Sometimes, we don’t even know what it is that we’re looking for. All we know is that like John Mayer said: “Something’s...missing, and I don’t know how to fix it."

Maybe we need to stop looking to others to give us what we want. ‘Cos if we don’t know what we want, how can someone else give it to you??? Maybe we need to look to ourselves for the answers. Maybe we already have what we need. I told a friend of mine, that before you can be loved by anyone else, you need to be able to love yourself. And then love will come find you.

So, I don’t even know if there’s a moral to this story. I think it’s just that – the answer to most problems we have lies in us. And there’s no need to run around killing ourselves looking for something we can provide for ourselves.

Look inside.

Or maybe, I’m just really happy I found this song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGOGbdXXxYY

Back To The Tribulation Of Higher Education

I’m supposed to be packing up to go to school o...but I’m just tired.

I have no idea how to do it right. I always do something wrong. Pack too much, don’t pack enough stuff, and forget some important stuff, that sort of thing. If I continue like this, it’s obvious I’m not gonna be going to school today, which “she” and my mum have made it quite clear that they don’t approve of. I’m starting to wonder if the both of them aren’t calling each other to decide how best to make me do whatever they want me to. My mum says something, then I’m talking to her, and she says the same thing, and vice – versa. And they’ve both been going on about my not going back to school.

It’s not like I don’t want to go to school. There are a couple of reasons why I should... There’s so much wahala involved in staying in this house, for instance, with my old man. The dude gives me enough stress to give a donkey a heart attack. But then, I’ve decided that having a father like him is God’s way of teaching me patience. And besides, when I think about it, he’s not all bad... I mean, he did take us out for some really nice Chinese food at the Sunrise Chinese Restaurant yesterday.

And about the Sunrise Restaurant; the place ain’t that bad. In fact it was quite good. Small and cozy, the waiters were rather well mannered, the food was served promptly, and the food was good. Yeah, the food was really nice. And it wasn’t such a pocket burner too. I think I can give the Sunrise Chinese Restaurant the Capoeira Panda’s very first “Paw Print of Approval”.

Anyways, so my old man ain’t so bad (even though he can be quite annoying sometimes). I should go back to school. “She” has exams and my presence is really quite a distraction. She didn’t distract me when I had exams so I guess it’s only fair that I return the favour don’t you think???

But then I really don’t wanna go back to school. To the hustle and bustle involved in it all. No water, no light a lot of the time, it’s bloody hot as well. We have to walk everywhere, or wait for the school bus, or take a shuttle bus, which I hate as much as I hate taking Danfo in Lagos!!! And the food is nothing short of CRAP!!!! Any RUN students agree???

And to top it off, we’re caged like animals. Not literally, like they actually throw us in cages, but mentally. With all their silly rules which we cannot protest ‘cos we’ve come to see that we actually have no rights at all (violation will result in premature graduation). So you have students trying to be who they’re not, living false lives... it’s just so irritating. It’s like being in an open prison. You can walk around, but you can’t go anywhere you actually want to. When I’m there I always feel totally imprisoned. I can’t do anything. Sometimes I just want to scream my throat out ‘cos I’m tied up in my mind and I can’t find a way to break loose, and I want to run. Just run till there’s no strength left in my legs. So I leave when I can, and delay going back as long as I reasonably can.

Anyways so I should go, but I really don’t want to. Besides, there’s nothing happening in school just yet. Classes won’t really start fully till next week and all of that. I’ve already done registration and collected my course forms, so no 10k late registration fee. But I’m sha packing to go. And I HATE PACKING!!! I just don’t know how to do it. I never get it right. I pack wrong,

I never organize properly...I know I’m going on and on about how much I hate packing but...I really do hate packing...like I said, I have to marry a wife who knows how to pack properly, so when I want to travel, she’ll help me pack. Maybe I should’ve asked ‘her’ to come over and help me do some packing. She says she’s not too bad at it.

Am I just being lazy and irresponsible??? Or am I taking too many chances??? I don’t know joh... I just really want to sleep o....