Bye Bye Blogger.

Hey good people.

I should have done this a few days ago.

After my last post, I decided to move my blog to WordPress.

It's much easier to use than Blogger, settings are very customizable to user preferences and commenting is easier for readers.

No, this is not an advert for WordPress. I just happen to really prefer it to blogger.

Anyways, I moved over last week. So if you follow this blog, there'll be no more posts here, and at the end of the month, it'll be shut down.

If you've followed me here, please feel free to follow on WordPress as well. You don't need to have a WordPress id. You can simply subscribe to get emails when I put up a new post. Easy as pie. :)

http://thecapoeirapanda.wordpress.com/

I already have a new post up there called "Social Media Illiteracy".

Thanks y'all.

Posted via Blogaway on my Android® Device.

The Morning's Musings: No Halfways Allowed

7:00 AM

*Playing on repeat* Push It To The Limit - Rick Ross

Hey there. So if you've been following my blog for a bit, or curiosity made you read every post like some people I know *SideEye*, you'll have noticed that I haven't done any Morning Musing for a while. But I guess today my brain kicked in early again.

So for a few years, I've watched myself slowly get outta shape. All the training that Capoeira rigorously beat into me slowly bled out. Till the point where I was going from being the CapoeiraPanda, to just being a fat, lazy, Panda.

But in the last few weeks, a little awakening, among other incentives, made me start working out again. But I'm taking it slow. Working on jogging alone. Along with other fat burning workouts.

And since I started, I've been observing myself. Days when I go and go, I get better. And when I quit, and lag for a lil bit, I don't just get worse, it's even harder to get back to the level I thought I had gotten to.

Even when I'm running. I've realized that it's better, to keep running. Keep pushing that stressful pace, than to slow down to "rest a little". Because even if, like me, your rest means a slow trot, and not necessarily stopping, gearing back up into running again will be difficult, and really stressful on your body.

Here's what I've learned from that.

I think, the very fact that our bodies complain when we do that, even though we're making the excuse that it's actually for the sake of our bodies, shows that we're not meant to push halfways. The point of working yourself to be better, is to go all the way at it. Make sure that in every thing you do, the effort is 100%.

And I know it gets hard. Nothing in life is ever easy. My latest slogan is "Weakness Compels Strength". (Adapted from Raizo's sensei in Ninja Assassin)

For me, it says that it's ok to be weak. And if you work at it, from that weakness can emerge strength that'd amaze even you. So keep at it. The weakness in you will call strength forth.

But its all or nothing.

Don't stop till you hit the end. Push till you can't push anymore. Then push some more. I know that's what I'm gonna do.

Like the opening song of the Boondocks says: "I'm a remain a soldier till the war is won."

Have a good day peoples.

P.S. I'm thinking of moving this blog to WordPress. It looks a bit better to work with than Blogger. I'd appreciate opinions. Thanks.

Posted via Blogaway on my Android® Device.

All Women Are ****, All Men Are ****

"All women are sluts."

"All men are dogs"

"Women can fake an orgasm, guys can fake a whole relationship"

"Men tell the most lies. Women tell the worst lies."

"All a woman is interested in is money."

"All a man is interested in is pussy."

I think I'm finally sick & tired of all the finger pointing across the genders.

All my life, I've heard guys and girls say these things. And it's always been a tough pill for me to swallow.

If every guy is only about tapping that, then why do people get married? How do they tie the guy down?

If every woman is just about money, then why are there good women out there who support their men. Women who hold it down and earn respect from everyone?

I've come to the point where I really don't understand it anymore. I know a girl who actually had a very good man, and still allowed stupidity to leak out of her head & say "all men are dogs." What was even funnier about it was that her boyfriend heard her say it. I could see that it hurt him, but he just kept quiet. I wasn't the least bit surprised when I heard that the dude had dumped her a few weeks later.

When that happened, the silly child was then attributing her loss to the "evil nature of men". Refusing to understand that it was her losing attitude that made her lose a good thing. It was just easier to sit over a tub of ice cream with her ridiculous friends and bash at every living male creature.

Guys do it as well. Going around with that "women just want money" attitude. You treat a woman like she can be bought, & she'll either behave that way, or she'll leave you cos your money isn't important to her.

Don't get me wrong. I'm in no way naive.

I know some people have had bad experiences. I know some people have lost out & ended up with their hearts broken in multiple places. Till the point where they'd prefer a broken neck to another broken heart (Amir Sulaiman).

I'm not saying that the bad ones aren't out there. Believe me, I've seen my fair share of assholes.

I have a very good friend that has already said he's still gonna be sleeping about when he's married (the fact that he's my friend, doesn't make this attitude any less disgusting to me).

I've seen a girl walk out of her hostel, while telling her boyfriend on the phone how she can't come out cos she's got cramps, and come kiss (and later go home with) my friend who she'd just met that morning.

I know there are plenty messed up people.

But is everyone like that?

Should we make the entire populace of humanity suffer for the evil of some people, even though they may be in the majority?

And what's even more irritating, is when the person talking isn't clean themselves. Like when a girl that cheats on her boyfriend opens her mouth & says "all men cheat." Of course they do. With people like you.

By nature, I'm usually quite pessimistic. But I've learned that keeping this attitude never helps.

Yes, there are many messed up men and women out there. But approaching life with a defense mechanism ensures that not only do the bad people get locked out, but so do the good. 

It's a really bad thing when you've gotten so used to losing, that you give up all hope of ever winning.

A few years ago, I wrote a note on Facebook asking who started this whole chain of distrust among men & women. But now, I've come to realize that asking ourselves "whodunit" is really just a considerable waste of energy. So is judging everyone based on what someone else has done to you, or even worse, judging based on the experience of others.

We need to remember that to every rule there is an exception. Not every guy is a dog, and not every woman is a money grubbing slut. And constantly saying to yourself that all men are dogs, will eventually result in your life resembling a kernel. And living with the belief that all women are sluts will result in your life resembling a brothel.

I remember in "Why Did I Get Married?", when whatshisface told whatsherface: "you're so used to losing, you don't even realize you've won." Well, that's how I feel about all this.

Laide put up a post recently, called "What She's Thinking, What He's Thinking." It kinda painted guys in a really bad light. I took it P, and I was gonna write a response called "What He's Thinking, What She's Thinking.", to show that there was a flip side to the coin. But half way through, I realized that all I was doing was pointing fingers. And that really wasn't the point that I should've been looking at.

I guess that is where everything boils down to. There are a lot of assholes (male and female) in the world at large. But living your life thinking everybody's like that, will only have you consistently getting what you expect.

I don't expect you to accept every Tom, Jane & Kafayat without at least a pinch of salt, but try to keep in mind that there's still some good people left in the world, and don't chase them away or hurt them by poking your finger in their eye as you point out the evil nature of men/women. Or you'll lose out. We'll all lose out on the good we could win. Then what'll we be? Just a bunch of bitter men and women that'll pass on this doctrine of stupidity to out kids?

I most definitely hope not.

Posted via Blogaway on my Android® Device.

Where Loyalties Lie.

Good morning peoples. Hope y'all had a good weekend. Last few days of the first quarter of the year. Hope you've achieved your goals so far.

But that ain't what this is about.

Anyways.

On Saturday, a friend of mine im'd me, crying S. O. S. Another guy was on her case, claiming love from the moon, asking her out.... all that stuff. Dude was even being all possessive self. Over babe that have not even agree for him. Was quite a funny situation. But from the way she put it out to me, it seemed like the dude was really feeling her. But knowing that with all human beings, things aren't always the way they seem, she wanted my advice about him. Apparently, he was someone I knew.

Here's a snippet of the conversation:

Panda: "What's the dude's name?"

Friend: "He says his name is John Thomas." /*obviously, his name isn't John Thomas*\

Panda: "Babe, stay away from that dude."

Friend: "But why? What's the matter?"

Panda: "I know that dude very well, and you're too important to me not to warn you away from him. Babe, if you don't want wahala, just stay away from him."

Now in truth, I know that dude very well. In fact, some would say he's my guy. You know all those your guys that you refuse to allow near your sisters? He's one of those guys.

So I told her to stay away from him.

But another of my friends saw my im conversation, and tackled me about it, saying I was being a "cock blocker". And I should have been loyal to my guy, in the spirit of "bros over hoes", it's possible that he could actually really like her, and she could've been the one to change him...and all that stuff.

So I'm throwing it out. Did I do the right thing? And if it was you, what would you have done?

Would you leave things to chance, where your friend's heart is concerned?

Would you be loyal to your paddie and all that stuff?

Let's have it.

Place comments below, and you can follow my blog for post updates :)

Posted via Blogaway on my Android® Device.

Nighttime Reflections

9:33 PM

Thanks to the rain, power got knocked out. So I'm lying on my bed in the dark. Glo started misbehaving with the rain, so I switched to MTN....and the way it's going, this switch may just become permanent.

Anyways, so since I can't really do much in the dark, I guess all I can do is reflect over the day sha ...

It's funny how things turn out, and how we learn about our faults.

Today, my new roommate and I had a bit of a fight. I got pissed over something he'd done, & decided to take him on about it. Little did I know that he'd had his own grievances piles up against me. And as I started vexing at him, the dude immediately set shit straight, and let me have it.

As he was vexing, I realized that he was right. I'd been wrong. And what I was vexing about was just ridiculous & bitchy really. So, I tried to settle things... but well, looks like dude's mind is set. He's the one now behaving like a babe that's vexing and not wanting to say anything.

Anyways, what's the point of this? I guess it's just kinda hard to look at yourself sometimes, and say; "dude, you dey fuck up." But I kinda had to do that today.

Obviously, I didn't say this to my roommate, but I'll set things straight again. I hope.

This is one reason I hate having roommates. I like the solitude that comes with being alone. And I guess having that in some form or fashion in the last semester kinda spoiled me...

Anyways ...that's basically all that's running through this Maverick's mind....

By the way, if you get the chance, check out http://slimsiren.blogspot.com/

This babe just started blogging, but I think I like the way her mind works...give her a follow k?

K then...

Posted via Blogaway on my Android® Device.

Things These Girls Do...

So... as everybody knows, I never complain about things until they start to vex me too much. Oya I'm vexed.

I was reading @thetoolsman's blog post about women who show too much boob to attract guys (which I totally encourage *singing in 50pence's voice* look luv I'll give you 5h it you let me see your jugs), & about women who show ass crack (which absolutely disgusts me *ugh* I have class you know)

Anyways, so I wondered to myself, what other stupid things do women do these days that they think is sexy but is just retarded.

I thought it would take a while to find, but as I looked at the avatar of a new follower, I saw it.

This babe took a pic in the bathroom of some club looking like Amy  Winehouse surrounded by 4 empty bottles of Premium Whytes & Mackey. And the girl was pouting!

Yes. She was doing like somebody was forcing her to kiss transformer.

And I just have to wonder to myself. When did this pouting thing become legalized by the tri-state consortium of Heffers, Skanks & Blackberry Babes as their global "peace" sign. Cos it looks like somebody's splitting their lips apart with two fingers...

Okay wait, that came out wrong.

No ...wait...so did that....shet.

O...! Grow up joh!

Anyways!

I really don't get it o. I don't even know who the babe that started this pouting picture is. I'm sure it's Nikki Minaj. She should be tried for war crimes against mankind.

Because I think I speak for myself and the rest of the men that I know, then I believe I can tell you that it is very disgusting!

It's as irritating as babes that expose ass crack all over the place. 

But I may be wrong. Some guys may think that a girl looking like Angelina Jolie on crystal meth is sexy. Good for them. But this is my opinion sha.

(Ladies please don't kill me for this though. Remember you love me <3 )

& as if it wasn't bad enough that she looked like she'd been frenching SpongeBob SquarePants, she was taking it in a club bathroom.

I don't get, is a picture of themselves in a club bathroom, among womenfolk, now the equivalent a picture of boys popping bottles in the club?

Why do they do this? Is it that they can't afford photography studios, so they create the studio effect with the bathroom walls?

I'm getting a lil sick of it o.

Abi, am I the only one? You tell me.



Posted via Blogaway on my Android® Device.

The Dirty Man: Is It In Our Blood?

Sup people? I'm sorry, I know it's been a while since I put up a workable post. I've been real busy with a lot of different stuff. I'm back in uni now so, I'm gonna have less time.

Anyway, I moved back into the uni hostels last week, and mehn... living among so many guys? Wow. I think I've reached the point where I have to complain.

On Friday, I asked a question on twitter that no one bothered to answer. So I'm gonna ask here. Is there some part of the male brain that is hardwired, so that he cannot understand the concept of washing a dish? Or sweeping? Or just basically engaging in some act that will render his environment clean?

Good lord. Living in close quarters with some of these dudes and seeing some rooms has been really traumatic for me.

I've walked into some rooms, and I had to ask "Don't you have a room at home? Do girls enter that room? Do you ever get laid? Do you even have parents? Or did someone wank into some dirt & harvest you as a pikin nine months after?"

Yes. It's that bad. I've seen some rooms in this place ehn, that I'd rather not have a bath ever again for the rest of my life, than have a bath in that room. This is not a joke. There was this time when there was water only in some specific blocks, & my roommate carried me to some guy's room, so we'd have our baths there. Shet. The smell that hit me as I walked through the door almost turned my hair green. Let's not even talk about the bathroom.

Wow.

I entered someone's kitchenette a few days ago, and I actually had to look around, to make sure that I wasn't in one of those big, public garbage places. Unfortunately for me, that's the room I go when I wanna borrow an electric pot. So I have to go there all the time. And no. I have never ever found that pot clean when I want to use it. It's always still messy from the day before.

What amazes me, is that these dudes don't see anything wrong in living that way. I asked one guy if that was how his crib would be when he gets his & he said "Ehn, na my babe go dey clean up for me. I'm a man nah..."

No you idiot, you're a dirty piece of nonsense floating near the bottom of the cesspool of stupidity! Because the last time I checked, women don't like dirty dudes. And a dirty place is a sure way to chase her off. And even if that wasn't the case, what kinda guy waits for a woman to clean up after him? Na your slave? And then when they start complaining bout good men being in short supply, you go dey vex.

What even pains me more, is that babes sef have accepted it like that. This girl walked into my room one day, & the look of shock on her face was so annoying! As in, she was actually tripped that it was clean. She was like "everyone knows that most guys have dirty rooms." I wanted to konk the bonkon (but she was in my room for other reasons so...*aherm*)

Moving on.

See, when I was a kid, I always thought I was the messiest dude alive. & of course, my sisters and some of my bros did their best to get me to become better and all that. So I'm not saying that I'm the cleanest of individuals. But I try my best. In fact, my room is a mess right now. But I'll clean it up in a bit. :)

But really, this attitude from dudes is just sickening and embarrassing. And that concept of "my babe will clean up"?? Disgusting.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying a woman can't clean up for you if she wants to. But actually expecting her to? Get outta here with that shit. You know the same way we want women to be able to handle their shit, and change a light bulb or turn on the generator themselves? They also want your lazy ass to clean up after yourself and not expect them to wait on you hand & foot like a kid. And personally, I think it's a fair trade.

So fellas, I know una go dey vex for me right now, but pay attention. Being clean isn't so hard o. You just have to work at it. I know I'm working at it. And think of one of the benefits: a cleaner place?  more women...?

You do the math.

#ThatIsAll.

Posted via Blogaway on my Android® Device.

Masturbation: Still A Solo Affair?

Sup good people! Hope y'all had a good week, and have good plans for the weekend. Me? I'm going back to uni tomorrow, so there's no play for me right now...
Anyways. A few days ago, I was reading different articles online & I came across something really interesting on the Men's Health website. It was on the "Health and Sexual Benefits of Masturbation."

Now from childhood, I'm quite sure that most of us were taught that masturbation is wrong and all that stuff. And of course, as we got older, a lot of us decided to try it out. I'm not pointing fingers here o. I'm just being real.
So please, for the purpose of this discussion (This is a discussion o. Comments are needed) , let's put aside our religious beliefs about the rightness or wrongness (forgive my english) of masturbation. I know Christianity and Islam are against it. But let's assume they weren't, and it is simply a case of choice based on comfort zones & discretion.

#np Orgasm Addict - The Buzzcocks :-)

Okay. So I was reading through the article, a bit in shock that anyone would take out the time to go finding out tenable reasons to beat off and all...but realizing that what the babe was saying actually made a bit of sense. Here's a little bit of it:
""We are programmed, as best we know, to need orgasms," says Gloria Brame, Ph.D., a clinical sexologist in Athens, Ga. "It's a fundamental aspect of men's health, right up there with brushing your teeth." And the more you know about what satisfies you solo, the more pleasure you get from sex."


Interesting...but this, is what caught my attention:

"Her Pleasure = Your Pleasure
Having a woman who masturbates is great. You can learn a ton about what makes her feel good and what's comfortable for her.
Masturbating together and doing each other will see you through thick and thin. It'll see you into old age. It's something you can always do."


Really?? Right....
See, I've always been of the opinion that a person (either male or female) who was in a relationship and was still beating off, was either not getting any in that relationship, or was dissatisfied with the sex he/she was getting. Meaning that it's not something you'd be doing if you weren't single. Most people I know would not be happy to know that their girl or their guy was engaging in a bit of self love. Maybe cos they'd want to be the one responsible for their significant other's orgasms. So reading this kinda came as a shock to me. But well, maybe I'm just ignorant.

So, if y'all don't mind, let's talk.
Would you wanna know if your partner was masturbating, even though the two of you still had sex regularly?? And if he/she was, would you have issues with it? Or would you encourage it?

Introspective Blogging: "The Weakness In Me"

“Our strength grows out of our weaknesses” - Ralph Waldo Emerson
“If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that's another weakness” - Jack Handy
“The greatest weakness of all is the great fear of appearing weak” - Jacques Beniqne Bossuel
“Sometimes our greatest strength come from our weakness.” - Source Unknown
" I believe in the power of weakness." - Pat Buckley

So apparently, these people (along with a whole lot of others) seem to view weakness as something that is ok...
I don't know how I feel about that, honestly.
See, In my very short lifetime, I've had to become strong. I was forced to pull out the man in me and become rock hard. As time went by, I realized that the strength in my soul wasn't just necessary for me, but for other people. That other people depended on me to be strong for them.
So, having weaknesses, is really not something I want. It's not something that appeals to me at all.
And no, this has nothing to do with the whole, "macho man" thing that we men have going on. Okay, it probably has something to do with it. It's being said that  “The strength of women is the pretense of weakness, and the weakness of men is the pretense of strength”, so I guess that as a man, I also require myself to be strong.


But I think, that my issue with having weaknesses goes a lil deeper. I mean, every man sometimes uses the "I'm only human" excuse to cover up their faults, therefore admitting to themselves that it's alright to be weak sometimes. And even I have come to admit it. I have weaknesses. Yes I do. I just hate it so fucking much. It may also be because I give off this air of being someone who isn't affected by what people do. That I don't really give a damn about you attitude which I exude works just fine for me. That ice cold wall that very few can pass through is a haven for my mind.
"Solitude is strength; to depend on the presence of the crowd is weakness. The man who needs a mob to nerve him is much more alone than he imagines." -  Paul Brunton

*sigh*


I'm an intense person. That in itself is a weakness, but also comes as an advantage from time to time.


I don't like the feeling that there are things that I can feel, that I have no control over. That something can occur to make my mind work against me, & there's nothing I can do about it. The very idea of it is crippling. It makes me feel like ripping my heart off & replacing it with some slab of stone that can't be reached.


Maybe that's my problem...that I've stopped doing that.


One thing worse than knowing you have weaknesses, is finding a weakness that you never knew you had, & having to come to the pure realization that, you're a bit weaker than you imagined you were...especially when you want to believe that you have the weaknesses down to the barest minimum.


Recently, I've come to the realization of the existence of a weakness. It stems from something that I always knew was in me....but I never knew that it would become a weakness. Maybe because I've never given the chance for it to happen. Or...maybe that's not it. Maybe because I've never noticed it. But now I have. Now it's hit me. And what's worse, it's irrational. And what's even worse, is that the fact that I know that's it's irrational isn't in anyway enough to help me overcome it.


Well, I don't know how I'm gonna overcome this. I don't know if it's even something I should overcome. Maybe in this weakness, I can gain some form of strength. I have no idea.

I pride myself on being strong,

A man reborn from the ashes,

Of a confused American youth,

But hairline fractures so often,

Erupt wetly down this face,

The tributaries collected in,

Off brand white tissue.

I pride myself on being a father,

But deep inside of my being,

I still feel like a lost child,

Loved but overprotected,

From the thorns that so often,

Pierce my tender sides,

From black roses of society.

I pride myself on being a husband,

A man that would die in her place,

But I always feel like sometimes,

I have never done enough,

For her to justify her love,

To a man who outside is strong,

But within feels so drained.

I pride myself on being a worker,

Dedicated to putting food on the table,

Each and every week of my life,

But sometimes the burden is so heavy,

That I wonder if I'm still alive,

After so much mindless repetition,

A slave to the blank time card.

I pride myself on being a poet,

My words pouring forth from my soul,

But sometimes I feel so hollow,

And the words become cruel parodies,

Of my original intentions and message,

An ink-born embyro that was aborted,

Before it got a chance to shine.

But deep inside my being I know,

That Uruz lies in wait to spark,

A fire to a heart that has grown cold,

So many times in the near past,

And In this rune of mine I stand,

A greater man before you all,

And in my thoughts and prayers,

To all of the weak and sick,

I pray that no matter what you call it,

Uruz will come back to you too.

- Brian Andrew Rainey

I don't know if this poem has anything to do with how I feel right now...but it resonates with my soul right now. I don't even know if you understand what the hell I'm saying...but well...I don't know what to say about that.

A Thirteenth Birthday Disaster

It was his thirteenth birthday....and probably the most embarassing day of his life.

Ugo couldn't even look up from the pillow which he'd buried his head in like an ostrich buries its head in the earth hoping it's predators won't see it. But in this case, some part of him hoped that if he kept his head there long enough, the embarassment would pass by him, and he wouldn't have to go to school on monday.

When his mom had suggested a birthday party, the bells in his head immediatelly started ringing. He tried to discourage her. Tried to tell her he didn't have so many friends, tried to tell her...anything to get her to forget about the idea. But she seemed fixed on it, & that was that.

He had no idea how he was going to manage it. It was bad enough that everyone in school knew that he came from a home where things were hard; evident in the cheap material his uniform was sewn from, and the fake Nike sneakers he wore (the kids his age were all about designer clothing and original sneaker brands)...but really, did he have to bring them to his house??

He told some of his friends about it. Leye and Sadiq had been his best friends from Primary 5, and he was sure they'd be able to help. Leye lived down in V.I, his father owned the apartment building they stayed in, along with many others, and was a former top shot at LSDPC. Sadiq lived in a massive house in Ikoyi. His dad was the MD of First Bank. A lot of the time, Ugo felt quite intimidated with the obvious wealth around them, but they didn't seem to care that he couldn't match up, which was one reason they were such good friends.

They also thought the party would be a good idea. "Guy." Leye said. "It's a birthday party. We're in JS 1. Who wouldn't want to be there?" Even Sadiq, the usually quiet one, was psyched about it. "We can invite that Portugese girl - what's that her name again? -that just started coming here, I know you've been scoping her. And Tosin and her clique. And guy! You have to invite Tracy... she's so pretty... & her breasts are growing!" He said with a shine in his eye. "SADIQ!!!" Leye shouted. "This is Ugo's party joh. Okay, Ugo, we'll invite...your mom said 30 people abi? Okay, don't worry. It'll be fine."

Well, if they said so, he guessed it would be fine. They started making invitation cards, sent them out to 10 boys and 17 girls -it was always good to have more girls than boys, even 12 year olds knew that.- and everyone seemed to like the idea. He wasn't as popular as Leye or Sadiq, but he was their friend, so he guessed he's be accepted on that basis.

His birthday finally arrived. It was a Saturday, so it made good sense. He woke up feeling quite good. The house was smelling like his mother's special fried rice recipe. She had been preparing things for the last 3 days. It had to go well.

Everyone was supposed to start showing up from about 2pm.

Leye and Sadiq came over at 11am. It was going to be a good day...right?

And then the problems began.

The new CD player his dad had finally bought after months of begging, simply stopped working. No reason they could understand. The thing didn't even have the decency to wait till after the party to stop.

Then, around 2.15, Toyosi called the house, to say she couldn't make it. And so did 12 other boys & girls.

The Portugese girl, Tracy, and Funke showed up, and so did 4 other boys. That was it. 3 girls, 7 boys. At a party meant for 30.

Tracy and Funke kept turning their noses at everything in the house. Their parents were rich, so they were obviously used to better things. When they passed some snide comment, it took both Sadiq and Ugo to hold Leye, so he wouldn't go beat the both of them.

Things began to get worse.

The CD player was bad, so Ugo's sister had (definitely not) the brightest of ideas. She brought down her radio! So now, they were listening to the radio, hoping the Dj on Rhythm would play something they could dance to.

When his mom started bringing out the food, Ugo decided to carry food to the Portugese girl, hoping he'd score points for that. He should've known better. Just as he got close to her with the food, he tripped. Spilling rice, salaad, and some curry chicken, all over her.

If he'd been in a better mood, the look of shock on her face would have been a priceless sight. But at that point...

She immediatelly got up, found her driver, and left.

"Okay," he thought to himself. "Things really can't get much worse than this."

NEPA struck. They didn't have a gen.

And like a group that had been planning it for a while, the four boys, besides Leye and Sadiq, and the two girls who remained, got up and left.

The party was over.

Three hours later, his mom knocked at his door. "Ugo come out. Everyone's gone now. Come, everything will be fine."

But he knew it wouldn't be. As they walked out, the boys had smirks on their faces that could only be translated as "We'll see you on Monday."

He just wanted to stay in bed forever...or at least till  the shame of the day was washed away by the tears soaking into his pillow.

Posted via Blogaway on my Android® Device.

Introspective Blogging: "Matching Your Beliefs"

I've come to a weird realization.

Very few people live by what they believe.

Yes, I know that in the grand scheme of things, this statement isn't particularly new. Human beings have based themselves in double standards since the beginning of time. My memory fails me, but there was a particular character in the bible who slept with a prostitute, but had the guts to order that his daughter-in-law should be stoned, when they found that she was pregnant. Regardless of the fact that her actual husband had been dead for a time. Turned out though, that she'd been the woman he had sex with, but she wore a veil when they had sex, so he didn't know. And the baby was his.

But I've gone away from the point haven't I? Anyways, I think that, sometimes, it's not necessarilly that individuals live by double standards, in some special cases, they may actually believe the truth of the theories they preach, but for some reason or the other, have problems converting those beliefs into actual action. More often than not, there's a dissociation which may be caused by fear. It may be caused by the things we've been led to believeour entire lives.

As boys, we're taught not to show emotion, and that crying is a weakness. We learn, when we become men, that it's not necessarilly a weakness. But knowing this, and believing this, doesn't mean we can simply get over the life long wiring that's been laid into us. Does it?

A babe may realize that she is a jealous type when it comes to relationships. She may also think it's wrong, and may sometimes speak against it. Does the fact that she still goes "she-hulk" sometimes, make her a bad person?

I think it's all about working on your flaws. You realize you're doing something wrong, something that goes against what you believe and preach, then work at it.

Don't let anyone call you out on bullshit, saying you have a double standard. Understand within yourself that you're working at it, and sooner than later, you'll be fine.

Posted via Blogaway on my Android® Device.

In Times Of Need.

Today, I had a rather bad day.....

Wait. That's a really shit way to start a blog ne cest pas? But well, like I always say, my blog is my diary. So if you have a problem with it, adios!

Anyways, this update really isn't about my shitty day, or the insanity that dwells in the mind of every LASTMA official in Lagos, or how some pot bellied bastard thugs who the state government has given some form of legality by making them LASTMA workers, will probably burn in hell and be anally raped by a demon with a 29" wong everyday for the rest of eternity....

/* Calm down Panda*/

No...this update is not about that.

Today, in the midst of my problems, I really had nowhere to turn to. So I called a friend that I hadn't seen in months. & even though, at the end of the day, he could only do so much, he actually showed up for me. Like, he showed up immediatelly he heard I had wahala.

I've always heard the saying that, the friends who are there for you in your times of trouble, are your real friends. So yeah. He's a real friend. And, if you have anyone like that, please show em appreciation.  Cos really...you never know.

Hope y'all are having a good weekend. I, obviously am not.

Posted via Blogaway on my Android® Device.

The Freak Within

Yo!

It's been a while abi? I'm sure you've been wondering where I've been. Well, I was in the middle of exams….trying to make sure Daddy Panda's hard earned money wasn't going down the toilet. But it was good. God took care of me, now awaiting the results. For those people that called, texted, tweeted, or whatever, wishing me the best in my exams, and praying for me & stuff, thanks. I appreciate. If you didn't, well…I hope your dog dies. K

Where else have I been? Well, since Thursday night, I've been right where Globacom Nigeria wanted me to be; Bent over, right in front of them, with my pants around my ankles.

Two bloody days!!! That's all I have to say.

Anyways… a few days ago, I was reading a post on http://www.wisdomismisery.com/ called "The Good Girl vs. Bad Girl Conundrum", and it was about, how guys, although they want one, cannot handle having a freak in the sheets as their girlfriend. Supposedly, we've been raised to respect women, and the level of sexual deviance necessary for "Freakiness" is just not something that a guy can handle, and still respect his girlfriend. So usually, he'll either suffer like that (assuming he wants a freak) or go out and find a freak to satisfy his dark, inner desires.

Hmmm…

On Thursday, surprisingly, this was the same topic of discussion on Twitter's #Tweminar, (arranged by @Gigachic I think) . Would a guy rather have a good girl, or a freak? Guys say they want freaks, but they can't respect them…blah blah bollocks.

From a maverick's perspective, this is all just bullshit.

First of all, some operational definitions:

Freak: A babe who knows how to work it in bed. Has a very good sexual appetite, & knows how to break a guy off properly.

Good Girl: A girl who is supposedly "innocent" in the ways of sexual activities. She has no experience, and will probably be an "ok" sexual partner.

Now, let's get to it.

Every guy, at least every sensible guy I know, would love to be able to have amazing sex with their girlfriends. The kinda sex that leaves you partially deaf in one ear for like 30mins. The kinda sex that makes a brother get outta bed and go cook a meal for her right after. How do you do that without a freak?

I fail to understand why people would think that a guy can't handle the "Lady in the street but freak in the sheets" girlfriend. Okay, I do though. Women are so tied up in what they think the Nigerian Man is that they forget that we've evolved over the last decade or so. So, they feel this odd need to pretend, to be something they're not, just so the dude will respect and stay with them.

Here's the truth. Every guy wants to be able to have the kind of sex I described above, with his girlfriend. If he can't get good sex, he's going to be sexually frustrated. Even more so, if he has actually had sex on that level, with someone else, at some point in his life, before this girlfriend showed up. Now, a sexually frustrated man will most likely resort to:

1. Infidelity
   
2. Masturbation
   
3. Just being plain old miserable for the length of the relationship.
   

Let's be honest. None of these are desirable alternatives. No woman wants a cheating man, and a lot of women feel insulted if her man would rather beat off than sleep with her.

Now, on Thursday, while Tweminar was going on, everyone kept saying how the man would cheat if he couldn't get a freak in the sheets…"the woman nko?" was what I asked.

If the woman is a closet freak, who's been pretending to be a good girl so that her man won't feel insecure and get disrespectful, gets frustrated cos this dude is just doing the same old missionary, when she wants him to spread her across three continents, pull her hair and drive her home like a pack of wild horses (pardon meJ)…well, we're gonna have the same effects as listed above with the sexually frustrated dude. So at the end of the day, with the pretense and "good girl"ism, everyone gets screwed (just, not the way they'd want to be screwed)

It's all about honesty.

First of all, ladies. I know a good man is hard to find and all, but really. Making yourself unhappy just so some dead guy can take you serious is not the way forward. If he can't accept you for who you are that really is his luck. You wanna let out the freak within, please, don't dull yourself, or there'll be nobody to blame but….you.

Fellaz, I think it's time we stop thinking in stereotypes. "Freak" and "Ho" are two completely different words. Just because she's freaky, doesn't mean you can't respect her. She is not a ho. And if you say that's what you want, then don't mess about when you get it. And, if you get a girl who actually is a good girl (no pretense here), then you have two options. Rather than start cheating, or endure a hopeless relationship, you can either; 1. Leave her be, and let someone who will appreciate her for who she is, come into her life. Or… 2. You can teach her.

Personally, I prefer the second option. In my opinion, everyone has a freak within. They just haven't been introduced yet. So, rather than going out to get the freak as your side chic, teach your girl that it's okay to be freaky. And all those things you want her to do? Teach her. Slowly, bit by bit. Let her use initiative sometimes. An added bonus that comes with teaching, she does things exactly the way you want her to do them. It'll take time, but sooner than later, you'll have the woman you want.

A word of advice though; is be careful what you wish for. Know the kind of girl that you're making into a freak. Don't go complaining if you create an uncontrollable sex monster o. it's just one of the hazards you have to deal with. And if you want a freaky girlfriend, be ready to deal with what you asked for.

Ladies, not every guy that says they can handle the "Lady in the street – Freak in the sheets" woman, actually can. Look very well at the kinda guy first…test him with little things…you know how you women do. Just sha know what's up.


 
That's all I have to say for now…I've got other stuff I wanna write…some poetry & stuff, but that may come later. If you wanna read the "The Good Girl vs. Bad Girl Conundrum", check out http://www.wisdomismisery.com/?p=2115 ok?

Have a good week.

A Mother's Shield

|I'm quite horrible at telling stories unlike my friends Amina & Le Beau, & I'm definitely much more comfortable writing poetry than prose. But a friend told me I need to start working on prose. So here's my second short story ever. The first was "Memories Race By" if you have the energy to dig through my blog to find it...

S/O to Hannah for editing this one. You can't imaine how messy this would've looked without her help

Constructive commentary & criticism would be really appreciated.

Panda.|

A Mother's Shield

A chikin sunan Yesu!!! Ba Abun da zai ta'ba kan dan-na!!! (in the name of Jesus! There's nothing that can touch my son's head!!!) the prayers rattled off Hauwa's tongue like incantations flowing from the mouth of a skilled diviner. She had awoken with a start sometime around 2:35AM, and and felt a sudden, unexplainable urge to pray. She hadn't had a bad dream or anything. All she knew was that she had felt something strike her spine, right at the same time she heard someone scream "ZAKARI!!!!!" in a blood curdling voice filled with fear and emerging tears. Hauwa knew that voice. That was Asiya's voice.

She'd heard that voice transform from belonging to a little girl running around in her underwear, playing police and thief with her son Zakari in front of their house, to the beautiful woman who's laugh always seemed to attract men to her like the voices of the fabled Greek Sirens would attract sailors to their island. They always seemed to attract every man except the one man both Hauwa and Asiya wanted it to attract; Zakari. Hauwa knew Asiya was in love with her son. She also knew that her son had never noticed it in the 22 odd years which they had been friends. But Hauwa had noticed. In fact, she knew when it had started.

The both of them had been 5 years old, and Zakari had just started learning Jeet Kun Do from his father Sanusi. Asiya had cried for days because her mother had refused to let her join Zak at the martial arts school. The woman was a Jehovah's Witness, & was a firm believer in non-violence, especially among women. Asiya moped for days, and Zakari couldn't cheer her up. One evening after dinner, she saw Zak leave the house quietly and go over to Asi's house. He whistled their secret tune which Asi had taught him months before (the sound of the both of them whistling had almost driven her mad), and she crept out. She watched as Zak took Asi to their backyard, and begun teaching her the rudiments of JKD, as best as he could, considering the fact that he'd only started learning a week before then.

From that day on, Asiya begun to look at her son differently, and over the 20 years that passed, that look had never wavered. Zak had grown to be a fine specimen of a man. 6ft 2" of pure manliness. He looked exactly like his father Sanusi had looked when he was 25. A face so beautiful, almost feminine, yet made masculine with the sheen of facial hair that covered it, and those sharp eyes that never missed a thing, yet could make knees melt when softened by that boyish grin they both had. Just like his father, he walked with a confidence that only a trained fighter could possess, and a trained fighter he was. Ruthlessly drilled day by day in his father's school, he'd become easily the most lethal person in the area. And though he had a martial artist's reserve, never jumping into fights, because he knew the damage he could cause, he still had his father's arrogance; he was afraid of nobody, and would never back down from any situation, no matter how dangerous.

It was that arrogance that had always scared her and it was that same arrogance that she had been warned to pray about by her pastor last week Sunday. "The voice of a parent in the ears of God is shield that covers our children and pushes them out of harm's way." He had said to her after the service when she went to greet him. "Your husband Sanusi is no longer with us. Make sure your voice is loud enough for God to hear, to protect your son from himself." She had no idea what those words meant, but waking up like this meant she had to make God hear her. "Allah, kar ka sa n bata abun kadai da ina da sha a dunia nan" (God, don't let me lose the only thing I have left in this world.) She prayed fervently as she wiped a sheen of cold sweat from her forehead. Two hours after she woke up, her phone rang. It was Asiya. "Mama! Mama! Please wake up! Please come to the hospital quickly! Something's happened to Zak!"

Between Hauwa's throwing clothes on, and going to the hospital with the phone pressed to her ear, Asiya told her what happened. They had gone out that night to a club in V.I. "Caliente", Asi had called it. They and their friends had just finished their final exams at uni, and decided to celebrate. There was a lot of drinking and partying going on. Then later in the night, some drunk rich thug had tried to force himself on Asiya. She defended herself well, using the fight techniques Zak had taught her, freeing herself, embarrassing the rich boy. But this wasn't enough for Zak. Despite Asi's pleas, he decided to teach the rich boy a lesson. He picked a fight with the boy & his friends. 6 drunk fools weren't even close to being a match for him. Unfortunately, one of them snuck up behind him with a gun. All his years of Jeet Kun Do training, yet nothing had prepared him for that single bullet that hit him in the back. Hauwa found a taxi to carry her to Premier Hospital in V.I. Half crying, half praying, & almost going mad. She ran past the reception without even looking at the nurse that tried to stop her. Asiya was waiting for her. "He's been in I.C.U for the last hour. The doctors won't tell me anything." Just then, a doctor came out, looked at Asi with recognition, & walked over to them. Images started pouring into Hauwa's mind. Images of her crying over her dead son's body as it was laid to rest. Images of her pushing him around in a wheelchair for the rest of his tortured life. She looked at the doctor with the petrified look of a woman who had raised a son for 25years, and couldn't imagine a life without him...

"He's alright. The bullet just narrowly missed his spine. We got it out, and he'll be able to leave in a week." She looked up at the doctor, daring him to say those words again. To give her hope again. To tell her that she still had a reason to live. "You'll be able to see him in an hour." Was all he said. An hour later, as she sat at the foot of his bed, crying so hard she soaked the blue hospital sheets, Zak looked at his mother and said to her in a weak voice "You know mama, just before I heard Asiya scream my name, and I felt that bullet hit me, I could've sworn I felt you push me. You know the way you always do when you want me to do something really quick." All Hauwa could do was look at her son, her pride and joy, and cry. He had no idea.....absolutely no idea.

Posted via Blogaway on my Android® Device.

V for Virgin!

Virginity.

Over the last couple of days, this topic's been coming up around me. I have no idea why. It just springs up sha. Like yesterday afternoon, @olu_dehinsilu & I were talking about it...then, later in the night. I was sitting by the window in my room, studying, & i heard some dude from the opposite block yell out "FEMI IS A VIRGIN!!!!"

The way he yelled it out ehn, it kinda sounded like an insult to me. As if that wasn't enough, I was watching a movie this afternoon, "Black Swan" - with Natalie Portman - (and for any of you who wanna call me gay for watching that movie, I hold @OtasE fully responsible. She's the one who recommended it to me...)

Anyways, so I'm watching the movie, & at some point, this dude asks Natalie ( I can't remember what her name in the movie was) "You're not a virgin are you?"...& the way he asked was so.......mocking...

A few days ago, a friend of mine was telling me how she heard her year one room-mate & her friends saying that they couldn't wait to start clubbing, & to lose their virginities...what the hell is going on?!?

Even this morning, @sleek004 & @wumie were chatting about the "appropriate time" for a girl to lose her virginity... 16, 21, 19.....??? *smh*

Now, with all these things I've been seeing & hearing about virginity, I had to ask, is virginity a bad thing now??

I mean, I may have been hiding under a rock somewhere for a bit, so I didn't get the memo notifying the world that it's a bad thing to be a virgin. I remember in secondary school, the dudes  who were getting laid already would look at us (yes, I was a virgin when I got outta secondary school) & call us virgins like we had leprosy or something. Of course, there were some anti-clockwise idiots who'd been celibate from birth that'd be making mouth as well, but those bonkons are rather unimportant. They're as useless a burglary proof without bars...

/Panda! Was that really necessary??? *smh*\

....moving on....

When did it become wrong for a girl or guy to be 21 & a virgin? When did it become something to be embarrassed about? What gives anyone the right to mock another person cos he/she hasn't started shagging??

Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to argue about the morality of virginity, & how it's a good thing to keep your "virtue" till marriage. Go meet your pastor if you wanna hear that. Neither am I gonna pretend and use the "sex is over-rated" line. That's bullshit. Sex gets fantastic with practice, & when you both know what each other wants. So, I generally tell my friends that are still V's that they can do what they want. But they shouldn't let anyone pressure them.

I mean, it's all about choice isn't it? Some people actually want to stay virgins till they get married. I have a friend, who's 28, & I shit you not, has more game than any other guy I know. & I mean any guy...like I wouldn't advise you to leave your girl around him for your own safety...But he's a V... No joke. He's deliberately refused to have sex. He says he wants to save it for marriage. He's lost 2 girlfriends cos he refused to shag em.

So what do you say about that kinda dude?

I, personally don't see anything wrong with a person who chooses to remain a virgin, & I think anyone who harrasses another person - male or female - for being one should be strung up by the nipples & sold into slavery. :-|

Ok that's a bit much. But being serious. If you go around abusing people, & mocking them cos they don't get laid, I somehow doubt you're getting any yourself. #JustSaying.

So, in the words of the brilliant poet Goerge Watsky (look him up on YouTube), "This is for everyone who couldn't get it, didn't want it, or had it, but gave it back!" There's nothing wrong with being a virgin. If that's what you want, be proud. & if it's lack of opportunity that's worrying you, well......your turn sef go come one day...

And if anyone tries to make you feel bad cos you're a virgin, look em straight in the eye and tell em, "Panda says it's okay to be a virgin!"

#ThatIsAll.

Posted via Blogaway on my Android® Device.

Grenades, Scapegoats, & Other Measures of Madness.

Lately, Bruno Mars is one of my favorite singers. (I can just see some of the chics reading this. You've seen Bruno Mars & you're happy like a puppy  with two tails.)

Anyways, Bruno Mars. That dude's voice is....AMAZING! It's hard to describe. And of course, he has some good song writers that write with him (What? You were thinking he writes all his songs alone? Sorry to disappoint you) so, when you have the dude singing songs like "Just The Way You Are", you know that's talent you're hearing right there.

But there's one song in particular I'm thinking about.

"Grenade"

That song seems to have caused a lot of problems for gentlemen all around me. That buffoon of a boy that's always wearing cap up & down decided to go & sing "I would catch a grenade for ya, throw my head on a blade for ya, I'd jump in front of a train for ya....." I think we all know how the lyrics to this song go.

Now, according to @SNN_Headlines, women have now started requiring their husbands, boyfriends and toasters to perform acts of intense madness - such as catching grenade - in order to prove their love for them.

Well, as an unrepentant member of the "Single & Wayward" community (along with some of my brothers such as @mr_1saac, @ThePervNerd, @amosquito4eva, @NanuDiei, @shollylolly & co), this recent disturbance doesn't disturb me. I mean, any girl that is expecting me to catch grenade for her... *pauses for a minute to laugh like a mad man* ... I'm telling you ehn, I go first off all my cloth before I start to dey swear for the half bag of goat!

But really, nowadays, guys are always very afraid to be around women when that song starts playing. A friend of mine got dumped two weeks after the song came out. Two weeks! His girlfriend came to see him one day, dressed in the sexiest dress he'd ever seen. She came in, cooked for him and all.. this dude was wondering what was going on. But well, he saw his girl, a lot of good food - good sex & good food - *smh* the poor fool never even saw anything coming. One minute he was asking "innocently", why she was being so nice to him that day, the next thing he knew, (according to him) it had turned to her shouting & asking what he'd do for her to prove his love,& would he catch a grenade for her? Now, my poor friend hadn't heard the song at this point, & he hadn't the foggiest what this girl was talking about. So of course he laughed and asked, "Why in God's name would I wanna do that?"

That was how, ladies & gents, this dude pressed the proverbial mad woman's breast (while ensuring that he'd never again touch his girlfriend's breasts). The poor guy ended up wearing all the good food that she cooked for him, along with some makeup that looked very much like five fingers laid very neatly across both cheeks.

I felt so sorry for the guy, that I decided to get Bruno Mars' album, & listen to the song myself. By the way, "Doowops and Hooligans" is a really good album..

But you see, being the kind of guy that I am, I listened to the song very well, to try & understand this new source of male sorrow. I listened to it, and I realized something that most babes have conveniently decided to forget. The end of the chorus goes: "Yes I would die for you baby, but you wouldn't do the same."

Interesting ain't it? Isn't it quite easy for womenfolk to neglect that part of the song???

The entire song, from the very beginning is about a babe that was just using our guy to catch trips. The dude was there being a mugu in love, meanwhile the babe was using him to play. Part of it goes "Gave you all I had & you tossed it in the trash". Doesn't this seem very familiar to somebody reading this??

And have you seen the video to the song?? Oya lemme narrate it for you, just in case you've been hiding under a rock for the last few months.

So, the basic plot of the video is that, Bruno is dragging a piano somewhere. We're not totally sure where. All we know is, that piano is heavy, & this dude has attached ropes to it, & he's dragging it. He takes it across many roads, over a bridge...he sha drags it. At some point, some heavily tattooed guy is yelling in his face, telling him to stop this bullshit, amongst other things (at least so I presume, since we couldn't hear what the dude was saying). You know what that reminds me of? It reminds me of myself. Telling one of my guys to free a babe cos she was just using him to catch trips. It reminds me of every guy who's ever, in the spirit of "Bro-hood" ever tried to warn his guy, but ended up ignored.

Anyways, so he finally drags the piano to the front of a house, & this fine chic comes out to the window, but she doesn't see him. It's obvious that he dragged the piano to play for her, cos a smile lights up on his face as soon as he sees her. And just as he's about to sit & play, some dude joins the babe at the window, & she turns round and gives him some quality frenching!

Shet!!!! I swear I almost died!!! After all the stress, the babe was cheating on him?!?! To say na me ehn, na there we for die! No be say anything o! I for kee everybody there!

But Mr. Mars? He simply turns round, &  starts dragging his piano back. He drags it do a train track, & is hit by a train,  piano & all.

Now, I'm sure we all know someone (cos I'm sure nobody's ever going to admit to being a mugu once upon a time) who was like Mr. Mars at some point. Some babe was always using him to do anyhow. Meanwhile, this dude was forming lover man all over town.

Is this what our women are trying to do to us???

I wee not gree o! Ehen!

Any girl that wants me to catch grenade for her, & is not ready to chop at least two bullets for me, is a  big joker. Ahan! Kilode?!?

In this 2011, there shall be no grenade catching for anybody. In fact, if them throw stone sef I wee not catch. In fact, as I told one babe that asked me about grenade catching, "I can help you hold the grenade pin. You keep the rest." *hiss* .....That regular thing that babes do when, they'll enter the club & be talking anyhow to some dude. When gbege come bust, na me them go come meet say "Panda did you see what that guy did? Panda do something! Panda is this how you'll let him disrespect me?" Mehn babe you're completely on your own o! I no fit go swallow panadol for you after you carry your own head go knack for ground!

And I blame all these ridiculous expectations on those singers. They'll sit down & write one silly song so that they can sell. Meanwhile, they forget that they're putting the rest of us in trouble. I mean, even D'Banj sef is guilty. Now women don dey find "scapegoat" up & down. Me I cannot be anybody's scapegoat o! Don't go and dull o.

Anyways sha. This is just a disclaimer o. In 2011, if you're looking for a scapegoat, or somebody that'll catch grenade for you, don't look at Panda o....you've definitely come to the wrong place.

Please, fellas. Look very well at the girl you're proclaiming love for o! If she's using your head anyhow, open your eyes o! Don't bring that bullshit "love is blind" nonsense in 2011. Let your love wear glasses if it has to. Before you will go and catch grenade for nothing. Ladies, I advise you to do this as well...

Ehen..

Disclaimer: If at any point in time, I actually told you that I would do anything of the foolish sort for you, I must have been drunk, stoned out of my mind, or possibly both. And statements made under the influence can not be held against me in the court of law...at least I don't think so.

Posted via Blogaway on my Android® Device.

It's 2011....now get over yourself.

Yes.

This is exactly as it sounds. It's a new year and I'm  tired of the bullshit. I usually don't make new year resolutions, but I decided to make only one. If anyone is gonna use me to catch trips just so that they can do me a favour, I. Will. Not. Beg. You.

See, I may be an ass more often than not. I may be quite sarcastic most of the time. Maybe it's because people that should've been "friends & family" have at one point or the other let me down. So now I've been disillusioned as regarding the "kind nature of mankind". But at the base of it, I'm still a nice guy to people when it counts. I don't put anyone on some long trips when they ask me for a favour. If I can, I do. If I can't, I simply say so. What I do not do, is make people look stupid just cos they've come to me for help. I treat people with a certain level of respect, & I will not accept any less, from ANYONE.

If you know me, be warned. If I come to you for help, it's because I have some form of faith in your abilities, & I feel we're at a point where I can come to you for stuff. Ergo, I do not expect you to treat me like a beggar o. If you can't help me, say so. If you can, then please do & don't fuck about.

Okay? Bye.

Posted via Blogaway on my Android® Device.

The Naija Blonde.

I JUST CAN'T ANYMORE!!!!!

I'm really confused. What is it with girls, who think that their pretty faces give them an excuse to be all daft???

These days, the term for a lot of girls (I'd call them women, but that'd be an insult to real women so…) in Lagos is "Naija Blonde". Cos mehn, the level of stupidity among them is frightening! And speaking about being blonde, has anyone noticed how many "girls" these days, refer to themselves as "Black Barbie"???

I'm a bit confused here. Is it that most of these girls don't realize that one of the biggest qualities that Barbie had/has been the fact that the light bulb on her mental porch wasn't particularly bright??? She always had to run to "Ken" for help (who in my opinion was just as dimwitted for being in a relationship with such an expired carton of unintelligence). Why in the name of everything holy would anyone want to be the "black version" of that??? I don't get it!!!

Case: So this very pretty girl walks into the library – It's that section of the library where people can bring in their laptops, so they can browse and get their work done – So, I'm looking like, hmmm…who's this pretty young thing??? Thankfully, I'm looking real fly in this lilac shirt and purple paisley tie, so I look her straight in the eye & say hi with a smile on (anyone notice the rhymes?? J)

First of all, the olodo of a child barely even says hi back. That one irritated me right away! I mean me!!! Na wa o…wharris going on in this life??? Anyways, so she brings her laptop in, and - after doing me anyhow – she asks if I can help her sort out her connection. This is the conversation that follows:

Dumb Girl: Hey, em, please could you help me? I wanna connect my lappy.

Panda: O. No wahala. That dude over there is sharing a wifi connection.

DumbGirl: (With a confused look on her face) A what?

Panda: A wifi connection.

DumbGirl: (Looks even more confused) ehn??

Panda: (An exasperated look on my face) a wireless connection.

DumbGirl: O. So how do I get it?

*I point at the laptop that's connected to the LAN port*

DumbGirl: But there's no-one there!

Panda: I mean… (Another exasperated look shows up) I mean the connection is being shared off that pc. Oya turn on your wifi.

DumbGirl: My what??

*my head is starting to hurt*

Panda: The wireless on your laptop dear.

DumbGirl: Oh. (With a look that says the light bulb on her mental porch has finally reached half current) alright then.

//two minutes elapse as she attempts to turn on her pc & put on her wifi.//

DumbGirl: Ok it's on. What should I do now?

*I'm trying my best to not tell her to carry the laptop and use it as a tray in her house, since she obviously lacks the requisite intelligence to use it properly.*

Panda: Search for a network. It's called ******

//Two minutes later//

DumbGirl: I can't find it o!

Panda: Is your wifi on??

DumbGirl: Yes it is.

*O for fuck sake!!! I get up*

Panda: Oya bring it.

Now, would you believe that this idiot hadn't turned on her wifi?!?!?!

Panda: But your wifi isn't on!

DumbGirl: O……sorry….thank you sha.

*sigh*

At this point in time, all possible attraction that may have existed on a mental level (which in some instances is more important than the physical) has been blasted with a disintegration ray gun. And she's beginning to look less pretty. I mean, it's hard to find someone attractive when you keep seeing donkey ears on their head…

I just can't.

@imMiSsChYliB (an intelligent female friend of mine) told me that some women think that behaving dumb will make guys a bit more attracted to them. Like, a guy is gonna pick a chic that looks like Rosario Dawson but with the brain of a 2 year old kid with Down's Syndrome, over a simple, somewhat attractive but not jaw dropping woman, who is intelligent and has her wits about her.

Really?? Is that what these girls are being taught in that "secret school" which we men have no idea exists??? If that's what they teach, then mothers better go and collect their money back o! They are being scammed!!!

There is not one guy alive, who would do such an intensely brainless thing. The only way that would happen, was if all he was interested in was a quick shag or two. And if possible, no cuddling afterwards.

A dumb girl that's always in need of help spells only one thing: L.I.A.B.I.L.I.T.Y (spell it with me people). And the last time I checked, we fellas don't want those, we want assets (& by this I don't just mean big behinds, even though that may be a plus)

So let me clarify. We do not like dumb women. Being stupid will only attract niggas that'll shag you & then leave. Every real man (and I say "real" cos there's a lot of fake fools out there) wants a woman with a good head on her shoulders; who will be able to handle herself when there's some kinda trouble. We wanna be your shoulder to lean on, not to be carrying the full weight that comes with a wooden head!

So please, ladies, be pretty. But in all your getting pretty, please get smart as well. Remember that you attract to yourself, people that are a reflection of the kind of person that you are. So, if the only dudes that wanna date you are dumb niggas………

#ThatIsAll.